Guys I just bumped into my first wife. And she reminded me of our divorce.

Hehehehehe….let me tell you a story….So when I was 14yrs old my mother saw me kissing this other girl, we shall call her Hazel. I didn’t notice that my mother had noticed anything. When I got home my mother asked me to accompany her, so we walked to the other neighbourhood which Hazel lived in. We were approaching Hazel’s gate when I asked her what we wanted there, she said we going to collect something. Well, I suspected nothing so we walked into the yard. We walked passed Hazel who was washing her school shirt and socks by the outside tap. As we sat on the couch inside with Hazel’s mother sitting across us, my mother got down to business. I wish I could type what she said in Zulu.

She was like “Hai Mkhozi, so I’m getting off a taxi, when I threw my eyes across the road, your daughter and my son are locking tongues.”

Hazel’s mother maNyathi was like “haibo mkhozi, what are you telling me?” then she called Hazel into the house, she came in and sat next to her mother. maNyathi went “Hau girl, you don’t tell me that you have a man?… Meet your mother in-law.” All Hazel could do was look down. maNyathi pinched her thigh she started to sound like singer Maxwell.

Her mother then looked at me and said “So, my son in-law, where do you work and how much do you earn?…. When are you planning to pay lobola?.. When are you planning to take your wife and move into your house because there can’t be two women living under my roof?”….eish…i just kept quiet, the next thing i had a slap from my mom then she shouted” Answer! “, yoh… I had to pick up my ear on the ground and put it back. Then maNyathi made Hazel fetch her Winnie the pooh teddy bear. She said” So since you two have decided to do grown up things, this is your child, you will share custody of this bear, you will share custody fairly, should anything happen to this bear, you will know us. maNyathi was a nurse, I think I know what kind of a nurse she was.

Hazel was a crazy mother!!! Can you imagine she would bring the child to me while I’m playing soccer in the streets just because she wanted to go play skipping with her friends and we would fight, then she would put the child on the fence and go. The child would get hit by the ball because her mother left her on the fence. That day I got home with a dirty child, my mom made me wash it with warm water, sunlight, and a scrubbing brush. She then put her elbow in the water to test its temperature then slapped me on the back of my head like Junior from the comedy “my wife and kids” while screaming “this water is too hot to bath a child.

One Saturday morning Hazel had went to town with her mother so I asked my mom to babysit for me so I can go play soccer, she said “I will babysit for you, but you not going to play, you going to help bra Bhiza clean the garden, you are a parent now, you must act like one and work for your child.” Bra Bhiza was the neighbourhood gardener who did my mother’s garden as well.

Then she took me outside to the garden and asked bra Bhiza to give me a job, the pain of cutting grass while my friends were playing soccer in the street killed me.

Bra Bizza paid me R5, at least I was happy until my mother said “boy you better not spend that money and give it to your wife so she can buy things for your child.”

Finally my wife and her mother came over to fetch the baby and I gave her the money…that Saturday I saw her eating chocolates, I went to tell my mother that Hazel is eating the child’s money and she said” Keep me out of your marital affairs please. If you tell your mother about what your wife is doing, you will make your mother resent your wife because women are emotional creatures. Go find a group of married men like you and talk to them, you will find a solution”… I was so confused.

Sunday afternoon I saw Hazel with a mark on her foot, her mother had beaten her for forgetting the child behind the house.

We had a long talk and decided on a divorce, we called a family meeting during the week and told our parents we can’t do this anymore, they said what about the child, I told them it’s not a real child, I got a slap on the back of my head from my mom. So they let us go. Our parents remained close friends but as for us, from that day, we never spoke to each other for years, then her family moved. She tells me she has a baby boy with her husband and tells me her mother passed on last year. We told her husband the story and he couldn’t stop laughing.

But black mothers are abusive!!

Whenever I see a winnie the pooh bear, I get annoyed.

Lena Ma2000, when we warn you about things, listen!! We have been your age and we were rescued from our stupidity.

Written by Edward Sampson Richy

SALIENT POINTS:

My Fake Child Bride”

The Great Pretend Marriage”

Black Motherly Love (and a Side of Slaps)”

The Bear That Broke Me”

Childhood ‘Marriage’ Mayhem”

Lessons from a Fake Family”

The Day I Divorced My Teenage ‘Wife'”

Motherly Wisdom (and a Few Slaps)”

Growing Pains and Winnie the Pooh”

Coming of Age Chaos”

Teenage ‘Marriage’ Mishaps”

The Unconventional Family”

Humorous Hazards of Youth”

This Story Emphasizes:

The humor in a teenage pretend marriage

The wisdom of listening to elders

The challenges of navigating young relationships

The strong will of black mothers

The importance of learning from life’s experiences

#ComingOfAge #TeenageStories #HumorousTales #BlackMotherlyLove #GrowingPains #YouthfulMistakes #LifeLessons #FakeMarriage #WinnieThePooh

Thank You Jesus,

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